Ocular Fusion

It was a strange scene, one that forced me to stop and do a double-take. There in my living room sat/slouched three red meat and potatoes, football loving, video game playing, Southern white-bread boys with table manners that would make a medieval baron blush, watching, of all things, Olympic ice dancing.

It didn't take me long to figure out why. "Wait till you see the Americans in second place, Dad. They're really good," they said. I think what they meant to say was, "Wait till you see Tanith Belbin skating with ol' what's-his-name. She's HOT!"

My sons, along with millions of other adolescent boys across the globe, had been smitten with the captivating good looks (and yes, she can skate well too) of Canadian-born, recently naturalized U.S. citizen Tanith Belbin as she teamed with Ben Agosto to win a silver medal in ice dancing, the first medal by an American couple in that sport in 30 years. Even the commentators were falling all over themselves at times, remarking that the couple's scores might be even higher if the judges could take their eyes off of Belbin for a moment to notice Agosto's own fine skating.

I chuckled at the sight and considered it harmless fun. In fact, it brought back a few memories of my own...

Rewind to the 1976 Winter Olympics in Innsbruck Austria. A 14-year-old slightly overweight, acne-riddled teenage boy sits riveted to his TV watching another US skater named Dorothy Hamill grab the gold and Olympic glory in the women's figure skating competition. Like many of my time, I was enthralled by her acrobatic "Hamel Camel" spins and her oh-so-cute bobbed haircut which became a much imitated do for years to come.

I was postively smitten and decided then and there I was going to marry that woman. Oh sure, she was 6 years older and famous, but that didn't deter my daydreams that someday she would tire of her shallow world of celebrity and long to settle down with an Average Joe like me and put through me through school and that one day after she retired from the Ice Capades I would return the favor by lavishing on her my love, attention and money for the rest of our happy days. All this in the time it took for the Star Spangled Banner to be played.

Of course, it didn't turn out that way and I have to say I'm relieved. I was recently channel surfing and stumbled upon Hamill working as a judge on an American Idol spin-off called Skating with Celebrities. It occurred to me again (as I've had this epiphany quite a few times over the years), how blessed I am that I ended up with EyeGal, who can skate pretty good in a straight line but gets a little dizzy and falls down on her cute little behind when she tries to do a sit-spin.

I'm hoping, and praying, that my sons will be as blessed as I am someday, and that they'll look back and chuckle at the memory of their own little fantasies on ice.